Growing up

Last year, I was on MSN when I saw one of my friend from Korea wrote "Graduation: The Unbearable Heaviness of Growing up". The sentence struck me back then. I realised that the next semester could be my final semester at the university and perhaps my last six months in Melbourne.

Right now, I am writing the last few hundred words of my assignment. Suddenly I got a flash back of three years ago when I went for my first day at Melbourne University. I was super excited in embracing uni life. I remember sitting down at the union house with some other former Trinity College students who are planning to study Arts as well. 96,000 words, 16 oral presentations and 500 references later... this is my final step towards graduation.

I have asked this question before over and over again to some of my friends and now I could not believe that I actually have to answer this question "What will you do after graduation ?". A while ago, I was distressed because I felt that I was not ready yet in leaving this country. I did a translator test that I thought I was going to fail. In the end, I passed the test and this means I can obtain my residency in Australia.

Although things are currently looking good on the surface for me, I am facing a major dilemma. I am working two jobs at the moment and soon, I will be working three jobs. Two of these three jobs are contract and as soon as the project concludes, I will have to seek other jobs. The last job is a casual job with good pay but really little hours. For one of the projects that I am undertaking, I feel like I am not doing a good job and I secretly despise both of my project works.

I did a shift today and I felt like I was the worst performer of the day. But then, I recall my first shifts back at Hungry Jack's two years ago. I remembered I was not the best performer back then but I worked hard and in the end, I was a valuable staff member to the company. I realise:

" I know for sure that I will suck for the first few shifts... But, if I don't do this job and work hard, I will never learn. I will work hard and learn until I get it right and I will do a good job in the end"

Anyways, hopefully I will do better for my next shifts. And hopefully, I will know what I want to do and I will choose my career path wisely. My biggest fear right now is not being able to find a job or even worse, doing a job that I am not meant to do. There is nothing worse than coming to work everyday, knowing that This is not what I want to do in life.

Also, there is always the option for further studies... And there is one question that like or not, I will have to answer one day. Should I stay in Australia forever or should I go one day? When I came to this country four years ago, I missed my home country and my childhood friends badly. I did not want to leave my home country and back then, I wished I had never left. Months later, I discovered that I had fallen in love with Australia. I love the feeling of being able to walk around and take public transport without the fear of getting nabbed. The people, the food, the education system and the working conditions that are generally fairer than in Indonesia had won my heart. Above everything else, I had fallen in love with some of the people here. I just could not imagine leaving the country at the moment.

However, I am also quite reluctant to stay here. I have met many people who are struggling for jobs here and in the end, these people had to go back to their home countries. Despite of receiving the accrediation as a translator, English is still my second language and I am still far behind in comparison to native speakers of the language. I also miss my friends and family back in Indonesia. No matter how many new people I have fallen in love with, the people I grew up with will always have a special place in my heart.

"I wish that everything will be allrite for me and I wish you all the best with your future endeavours..."

To friends and family back in my hometown: I am not sure whether you will be reading this or not but I will not be able to come back home for a short while. All of you will always be in my heart no matter what and I hope I am in yours too...